Love From Him....

Letter From Blaine 10/13/2009

"Hillary"

Just a quick note along with this , to utilize this envelope, but this little thing I wrote tells pretty much how I feel, and want to try and express myself to you. I miss you everyday more and more. And I know I say it like 300 times on paper, and another 100 over the phone a day, but what do you think I should say...I don't know. But what I do know...."dont leave the party till the boos gone"....blah blah blah you know the song. J/K the song is stuck in my head right now

Well, I just wanted to say I miss you, and that I am thinking about you! Good night, sweet dreams and I hope you like what I have written over the past week or so. I hope to hear your voice soon. And on the slight chance, see you again.

Love Alaways & Forever

Blaine

P.S. I hope this puts you in a happy mood! I love you.

Just Because...

The moon was high in the perfect velvet sky. Twilight as I remember. The sweet aroma of your skin perfumed the air. The only consolation that I saw was in your eyes, the hypnotic sensation embraced everything around, nothing else mattered, Just because you were in my arms.

Your love, unfolding before me, entrusted with your heart, presented with a gentle kiss from your rosy lips. The passionate act draws upon the lock that was placed upon my heart, so long ago. Your eyes penetrate the seasoned shell of uncertainty. The murky water clears, the scares upon my heart are exposed. The colorful painting has been drawn to perfection, and made visible to you.

Suddenly, a candle flickering in the distance catches our attention, and pulls us into it's direction, and gravity embraces us. Vision blurred, our hearts beat as one, dazed by your love that has struck my heart. I feel exposed and vulnerable, but safe.

Just because you are there; Life has a new meaning. You take my  fear with your love; Unconditionally. Euphoria burns through my veins. The shackles removed. Lips of an angle are places upon me. We become one. I feel you, know you, inside and out. Hold nothing back....

The velvet night seems unbelievably bright, twilight has new meaning, everything is in sight. Just because of you!

Our Velvet Twight 

Just because.....of you.

Written by Blaine10/13/2009

to Hillary

To the One My Heart Wont Forget

"To The One My Heart Wont Forget"

1/11/11 By Hillary Boulter

Of all of the people I have ever met,

you are the one my heart will never forget.

The way you made my heart skip a beat,

with every time that you smiled

or told me, I made your life feel complete.

You are the moon to my sun.

The love in my light.

Butterflies flew around no matter what

inside me all night.

I didn't think it was true,

what others had believed.

It was impossible to have

that magical moment,

were we met that one night.

Under that bright glow of the velvet moon light.

I knew from that moment on

it was love at first sight.

 

We had lived our lives before,

seeing different things that we had once thought we would explore

 and on that night we knew it special,

the connection was made

that we knew it was eternal.

We were made for each other.

Night and day and perfectly fit.

A match made in heaven

is the best way to describe it.

From that moment on,

our lives were forever changed.

Made each better, in our own special ways.

Who ever thought it could be true.

That one girls fairytale wish would became true.

Because I fell head over heals in love with you.

Letter to the Missed....

Since he has passed, I have heard all kinds of advice from other along the way, of things that helped them to keep on dealing with their thoughts, emotions, feelings, the pain you feel. But one thing that I had many people tell me I should do was write a letter to him, just like I used to. So yesterday while sitting at Starbucks after having a great conversation with some new friends. I stayed after they left, plugged in my head phones and decided that I would write to him. Tell him all the things I feel and want to say. I even asked questions. When people told me I should do this, I didn't believe them at all that it would help, also being that letter writing was so special between he and I. But I couldn't believe how much just pour out of me, I tried so hard to not cry while I wrote. But it was so refreshing to be able to say all those things. Though I know he will never read them like he used, I know that he always knew the way I felt and still does.

If I Had the Choice.....

One question that I know there is no hesitation in my answer is " If I knew what I know now would I have still done everything I did, or would I choose to have never known him?" I would do it all again in a heartbeat without a doubt. Who would ever not want a chance at something so special and so rare. "Greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."  Learning to love someone unconditionally, with not expecting anything in return is one of the greatest things that any one person can grow from. How many people do you know really give that much of themselves without expectation of something in return. I get to live the rest of my life knowing I helped someone along the way that ended helping me learn and grow, 

If I Had to Do It All Over Again...

9/27/10

By Hillary Boulter

If I had to do it all over again

I wouldn’t hesitate to take your hand

You taught 

me to love more than I thought was ever possible

You gave me the smile that would light up a room

You had given me the greatest gift,

To have you give me your all.

The dreams we made

The goals we planned

It was always together

And forever hand in hand

I found me in you,

As you found you in me

Two peas in a pod

As perfectly any could ever hoped to be

You became my life

My every wish

The hearts greatest desire

And the last person I ever wanted to kiss

So with these days without you

Its hard not to miss

The dreams we had made

Plans we had prepared

For the life we had wanted

And amazing love we had shared

I wish for one moment more

To take all the things I always wanted to say

And to hear all things I wanted to learn

All the things we didn’t get to share

For we thought time was on our side

So till I see you again

My love, my friend, my one,

I know one day we will have the dream we always wanted

Because I am forever yours.

Poetry.... The Song Of The Heart

I need you -8/6/10

By Hillary Boulter

I just need one more day

To tell you how much I love you

To feel your heart beat next to mine

And hear you say that "everything is going to be fine."

I just need one more day

To hear all the stories we always said we would tell each other

 and never thought we could

I just need one more day

To tell you all the things

That helped me through the night

When being without you always meant someday it will be alright.

I just need one more day

To share our wishes and dreams

That we could go far away

And be what we wanted to be.

I just need one more day

For you to hold me in your arms

So I can feel safe even if you are gone.

I will just wait now

For that one more day

That I will be with you again

And hear you one more time say

"I love you honey, I promise I am here to stay." 

October 2, 2010
By: Hillary Boulter

“Sun Lit Love “
You are the reason I wake up every day.
For you bring the sunshine into my life.
The sun rose with you every morning,
Bringing in the bright colors from your smile.
The sweet taste of your kiss on my lips,
With the gentle caress of your hand rubbing mine,
Smelling the aroma of the love in the air.
Laying next to you in our bed of feathers,
Feeling like we are floating on air.
The magic we made with only the looks from our eyes.
Who could ever want anything more than to wake up this way at sunrise.

The whole day goes on.
 With stolen glances taken in secret,
Though always catching one or two.
The slight touch of your hand grazing my back
To remind me that you are always there.
Running in circles with the life we are living
One moment at a time
Always together, we would not waste any time.
Then the sun would begin its evening decline
Watching as the sun starts its fall, to call it a night.
We lie down together in our bed of love and feathers
Holding each other as the sky changed its colors
The red’s and the gold’s
The purple’s and blue’s.
We watched the sun lit sky turn into
The stars we always knew.
You would point out my face
And I would yours.
We promised that forever,
We would live in the sky above.
The magic of the sky with the lights, colors and stars
Will always tell the story
Of what love is no matter how far we are.
So you look to east and I to the west.
I know where to find you
Now that you are at rest.


To all the sunrises and sunsets that we always loved to share, for the reasons why they meant to so much to us. They brought out the best colors of us and the memories we had of watching them together and the dreams we made. As each time the sun came and went we always shared the same moon where ever we had to go. I love you now and forever.

If I Knew It Would Be The Last Time...

This is the poem I read at the memorial. It still holds  so much meaning to it. The one thing that still surprises me is how many people still don't do it. You never know when the day comes that it might be the last time you see someone. You should always tell the people you love and care about, how much they mean to you. Show it, say it, scream it from the top of your lungs. Just because you think they already know it doesn't mean that they do or will remember when they are having a bad day. It's so important to make sure everyone knows how you really feel. Live each day like its your last and love with all that you have. You may one day be saving that person from the emptiness of despair. Even just a smile at someone passing by can turn that persons day around.

If I knew it would be the last time...


If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.


If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.


If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.


If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do


If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.


For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything right.
There will always be another day
to say our "I love you's,"


And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do's?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.


Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?


For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.


So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me,"
"Thank you," or "It's okay."


And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

What He is.... And What I Miss....

He is….
“Its hard to come up with the words the words to describe our love.” That is what used to always say when we would write cards or letters. We always had to much to say.

 He always had loved to give even when he didn’t want to. There was never someone who would call with a question or needing some kind of help, that he would hesitate to jump right on it to do what he could. He was always there waiting with his huge smile and a hug.

He is what made me complete.
He is the reason I woke up everyday.
He is the reason I fought for so much.
He is the reason that I love.
He is what made me, me.
He is my best friend.
He is the love of my life.
He knew just what to say to make me laugh so I would snort.

He knew how to push my buttons in just the right way to make my angry face just to tell me how cute I was when I was mad.
He made my life worth living.
He always knew just the right thing to say.
He knew all the little things about me.
He loved to joke, play and tickle.
He taught me how to give myself unselfishly without even knowing it.
He gave me the greatest gift, which is to love and be loved.
His hugs were tight enough to feel like he hadn't seen you in a while . . .and long enough to let you know he was making a memory in his own mind . . never too tight though . . .it's been years for me, but I always remember that. He knew how to make you feel cared about.

 

I really miss the way he said I love you and how he said it with out saying the words.
I miss the way he woke me up at 5:30 everymorning just to day I love you and to wake me up just becasue he could.
I miss bickering on the phone over nothing and calling each other stupid names that little kids would use.
I miss how he would ask where was his everytime I said I was making some kind of food.
The small things are what mean the most.

I miss the way he looked at me like there was no one else around
or that he always had to be touching me no matter how it was.

I miss the sound of his voice. Or the way he always tole me "You know I am a big deal!"

I miss the way he tried to strech his fingers or pop his knees.

I miss the way he smelled good or bad.

I miss his different smiles.

I miss the way he would push my buttons just to make me make my made face so he could tell me how cute I was when I was mad.

I miss his hugs and how safe and secure and loved in his arms.

I miss the way he would ask for things he really wanted me to do. the way he would ask in the sweetest way to rub his back or feet and do mine first without me ever asking him.

I miss the way he whined when I put my cold feet on him.

I miss him chasing me around to tickle me or write on me.

I miss the way he would stand in front of the mirror and pluck hairs.
I miss how he always called to say goodnight.
I miss how he always wanted to know how my day was and what happened even when he already knew.
I miss the way he would look at me when he thought I wasn’t looking.

Like I never needed anything else for the rest of my life.

He was everything I needed
He was imperfect and perfect in his own way and as was I and it was all we needed.
I could do anything while with him, be anything I wanted.
He made me see that I was beautiful inside and out and was the first person to get me to believe it.
I would have give my life for his in a heart beat.

There were so many ways we described our love... but there was always more to say,or finding new ways to see it and say it
I am still head over heels in love with him.
I still get the butterflies in my stomach, when I think about him holding me or kissing me.

Eventually I will move forward but I don't think think there is ever letting go.
 He will always be a huge part of me no matter what or who i meet. I will just start taking small steps forward....