Always willing to give, even if that meant he might go without, he gave anything he could if it being time, money, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a place to stay. He would do it in a heartbeat for his loved ones. He was never quick to judge, he took those he met and wanted to see the good in them all. He lived and breathed for his family, his mother, his son, his friends, and me. Even in his darkest moments he would find a way to keep face for me so he could see me smile. So many times I watched him give to others even when we didn’t know how we were going to make it to the next day. He always tried to open his heart just enough to let you in, so you know that you mattered to him. That was Blaine.
Over the last 2 years he and I were on the roller coaster of life, as any relationship goes on. But from that first morning we met, sitting on a Starbucks bench at 4:30am I knew this was right where I was supposed to be. We knew we had met for a reason, we didn’t know what that reason was, but we knew it was meant to be. We spent hours talking that morning and even more throughout the day and couldn’t believe that he hadn’t sat and talked before. But the chemistry we had from that first moment never faded away. It only just kept getting stronger and stronger. With Blaine being the stubborn man that he was, he wasn’t ready for some like me to be in his life. He still wanted to be free and not forgive the things of his past that had hurt him so much. But myself being the patient one. I just let him take it as his pass. He tried to push away oh so many times, but he always came back. He never knew why but he was drawn to me. I looked past the mistakes he had made. I wanted to see the man he could become and had the faith that he could become. From the moment I saw his smile. I knew I was in for a long hard ride. But one that was worth it all.
Nothing about us was or is perfect but that is what we loved each other the most for, our imperfections and ability to learn as we go. We made so many changes to our lives to fit the other, not because it was asked to be done. But because we wanted to better each other. We became best friends and lovers, refereed by our friends as each others better halves. We grew together in ways we could have never had imagined. Everything given so unconditionally.... I know this all sounds way to much of that perfect love story everyone wishes to of had in their life.... with all the love letters, poems, late night conversations that never ended because we never wanted to hang up first, the perfect way of hearing the first "I love you!". I had it all. But it wasn't always so perfect we had our bumpy roads, the trials of life. We just decided things were always worth fighting for.
Till the day when my fairytale came to stop. The morning I got the call that changed everything.
I am sorry if this next part gets hard to understand because it is hard to tell without crying. The morning I got the call that Blaine was in the hospital on July 23, 2010. My heart stopped. I didn’t believe a word that woman told me till I called his mom, and she told me that she and her husband were already on their way up to Oakland but wouldn’t tell me what was going on but to speak to my mom or dad. She tell told each of them what she knew while I waited (she couldn’t handle it enough to tell me herself cause she knew how hard it would be) So my parents told me to sit down like most people do when they are about to tell you the worst news possible, I wouldn’t sit down and made them tell me that Blaine was in the ICU and was unconscious and had been since he was brought in, and they don’t know much more than his heart had been stopped for a while. I hit the floor screaming, this couldn’t be happening to us. He was just starting to get his life back and we had these big plans for the future and he was going to marry me. All kind of thoughts came flowing through my mind. How could the lord do this to me? I almost lost my dad 2 weeks before while up visiting my Aunt and Uncle, grandma, and the rest of the family. They had all just met Blaine. You would have loved it and I so wish you had been there.
So his parents tell me at first that I am not to come to Oakland, that there is no point and they well just keep me informed. I calmed myself down and told them that I had to be there that I couldn’t just be sitting at home feeling like I wasn’t doing anything to help. His mom couldn’t say no after that. I drove up with Sarah straight to the hospital. But while on the drive my parents called the mission home to inform them what had happened and got in touch with Blaine’s bishop.The bishop called me while I was on my way to see what was happening and what he could do. I passed the message along to his mother and she asked to have the missionaries come and give Blaine a Blessing. At this time we knew that his heart had stopped 3 times but they had it going, that he had a collapsed lung and had been unconscious for more than 8 minutes with the paramedics got to him. The Elders were able to get in and give him a blessing as I had been praying the whole drive that the lord wasn’t ready to take him back that he would be there still fighting like I fought for him all this time.
Seeing him in the bed, with tubes everywhere, not being able to breathe on his own I still refused to believe it. Even after his mom showed me eyes to tell me that he was no longer there I just kept saying he is fighting. He is fighting. Even though I saw that he wasn’t in those eyes anymore. I tried to be the one to keep the hope that he hadn’t gone yet. Looking back now I knew it long before I even saw him in the hospital I just pushed it away. His mom got me through that first day and also knowing that the spirit was with me and with him. Sarah drove home the next morning as I stayed to see what the test results were, to be with his mom and hope for the best.
Sunday morning we took turns sitting with him while we waited to have our meeting with the doctors. We knew what was coming, as much as I didn’t want to hear it. They explained to us all the test they had run on Blaine, but the outcome was that Blaine was brain dead. I still have a hard time even believing it. From the moment on things became more of a blur. I called the police to file a police report, believing that Blaine had been killed. Things just didn’t add up right. Then into another meeting with the organ donation people, I sat in a room with his mother and two ladies who asked me almost 200 questions about Blaine. So that they might be able to donate his organs. It was so hard to keep a clear mind and to answer then all. Later they told me I was one of the best interviewees they have ever had because of the amount of information and stories I could recall. Blaine’s liver was donated to an older man from IL, he is a father of 3 and has 8 grand children. I finally spoke to him for the first time after thanksgiving, and found out that he was able to walk his sister down the aisle a few days before hand. Something he never thought he would be able to do.
The day we were leaving to come home. I asked his mom if she would like to see the temple. The place where Blaine had found so much love, joy and peace. It was a Monday morning and when we got there… all the missionaries had just arrived for their weekly gathering. The Sister missionary that had approached me happened to be the one who had spoke to Blaine the first day he came to the temple wanting to go to church. Then all the missionaries that had met him began to share stories they had with him. While we waited for the senior couple that I had been talking to while I was there, we were standing where the stone that lists all the people who first came to this spot to build the temple. It was one of Blaine's favorite places to stand and look at the temple and the surrounding city. It was standing there with his mom, that I felt him. I felt him put his arms around me and tell me it was going to be okay. That I was not alone and that he wasn’t alone. I could feel our grandfather and uncle standing there with him. watching and waiting to gather him into the fold. He was going to be able to serve the mission he had wanted to now. It was the most comforting feeling I have ever had. I try to remember that feeling when I have my really rough days. And I can tell that he is here from time to time checking in on me. I never before realized how close the veil really is. I swear there are times when I can feel him sitting on the bed next to me laughing at a story or begging me to stop crying. The Elders who taught him shared with me that he was one of the best investigators they had ever had. He took notes on everything and asked all kinds of questions and he always had a smile on his face and wanting to know more. He loved going to church and the feeling it gave him. He had finally found peace and what he needed in life. He wanted to marry in the temple for time and all eternity. Its hard to imagine that I now won’t be able to share that with him.
When I got home I went straight into planning his memorial. It was beautiful and uplifting. I made sure I made every part of his life was included. A family friend played the bag pipes, I made a slide show of pictures of his life, to the songs that each had personal meaning to one person or another, I even got up and read a poem, and a friend of mine form church sang the song Consider the lilies. It was so beautiful. People laughed and cried. But I am just glad I could give him that last gift.
So his parents tell me at first that I am not to come to Oakland, that there is no point and they well just keep me informed. I calmed myself down and told them that I had to be there that I couldn’t just be sitting at home feeling like I wasn’t doing anything to help. His mom couldn’t say no after that. I drove up with Sarah straight to the hospital. But while on the drive my parents called the mission home to inform them what had happened and got in touch with Blaine’s bishop.The bishop called me while I was on my way to see what was happening and what he could do. I passed the message along to his mother and she asked to have the missionaries come and give Blaine a Blessing. At this time we knew that his heart had stopped 3 times but they had it going, that he had a collapsed lung and had been unconscious for more than 8 minutes with the paramedics got to him. The Elders were able to get in and give him a blessing as I had been praying the whole drive that the lord wasn’t ready to take him back that he would be there still fighting like I fought for him all this time.
Seeing him in the bed, with tubes everywhere, not being able to breathe on his own I still refused to believe it. Even after his mom showed me eyes to tell me that he was no longer there I just kept saying he is fighting. He is fighting. Even though I saw that he wasn’t in those eyes anymore. I tried to be the one to keep the hope that he hadn’t gone yet. Looking back now I knew it long before I even saw him in the hospital I just pushed it away. His mom got me through that first day and also knowing that the spirit was with me and with him. Sarah drove home the next morning as I stayed to see what the test results were, to be with his mom and hope for the best.
Sunday morning we took turns sitting with him while we waited to have our meeting with the doctors. We knew what was coming, as much as I didn’t want to hear it. They explained to us all the test they had run on Blaine, but the outcome was that Blaine was brain dead. I still have a hard time even believing it. From the moment on things became more of a blur. I called the police to file a police report, believing that Blaine had been killed. Things just didn’t add up right. Then into another meeting with the organ donation people, I sat in a room with his mother and two ladies who asked me almost 200 questions about Blaine. So that they might be able to donate his organs. It was so hard to keep a clear mind and to answer then all. Later they told me I was one of the best interviewees they have ever had because of the amount of information and stories I could recall. Blaine’s liver was donated to an older man from IL, he is a father of 3 and has 8 grand children. I finally spoke to him for the first time after thanksgiving, and found out that he was able to walk his sister down the aisle a few days before hand. Something he never thought he would be able to do.
The day we were leaving to come home. I asked his mom if she would like to see the temple. The place where Blaine had found so much love, joy and peace. It was a Monday morning and when we got there… all the missionaries had just arrived for their weekly gathering. The Sister missionary that had approached me happened to be the one who had spoke to Blaine the first day he came to the temple wanting to go to church. Then all the missionaries that had met him began to share stories they had with him. While we waited for the senior couple that I had been talking to while I was there, we were standing where the stone that lists all the people who first came to this spot to build the temple. It was one of Blaine's favorite places to stand and look at the temple and the surrounding city. It was standing there with his mom, that I felt him. I felt him put his arms around me and tell me it was going to be okay. That I was not alone and that he wasn’t alone. I could feel our grandfather and uncle standing there with him. watching and waiting to gather him into the fold. He was going to be able to serve the mission he had wanted to now. It was the most comforting feeling I have ever had. I try to remember that feeling when I have my really rough days. And I can tell that he is here from time to time checking in on me. I never before realized how close the veil really is. I swear there are times when I can feel him sitting on the bed next to me laughing at a story or begging me to stop crying. The Elders who taught him shared with me that he was one of the best investigators they had ever had. He took notes on everything and asked all kinds of questions and he always had a smile on his face and wanting to know more. He loved going to church and the feeling it gave him. He had finally found peace and what he needed in life. He wanted to marry in the temple for time and all eternity. Its hard to imagine that I now won’t be able to share that with him.
When I got home I went straight into planning his memorial. It was beautiful and uplifting. I made sure I made every part of his life was included. A family friend played the bag pipes, I made a slide show of pictures of his life, to the songs that each had personal meaning to one person or another, I even got up and read a poem, and a friend of mine form church sang the song Consider the lilies. It was so beautiful. People laughed and cried. But I am just glad I could give him that last gift.
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